Love me

2002-07-17T11:18:00.000-04:00

For now.....http://www.livejournal.com/users/save_the_world/

2002-07-16T12:36:00.000-04:00

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

2002-07-16T11:22:00.000-04:00

I finished re-arranging/cleaning my room this morning. Now I can watch TV from my bed without straining my neck.

I am growing impatient waiting for my camera. Every time I look at the case sitting on my scanner I remember how much I miss taking pictures. Digital is going to rock.

P.S. I added some things to my Artwork page...and sign my guestbook damnit!

2002-07-15T23:58:00.000-04:00

It's time I said fuck the world.

My current mood: inspired.

2002-07-12T12:25:00.000-04:00

I think i am making progress as an aspiring skater, don't laugh. I ordered my digital camera today! Soon everyone's face will be on my computer, mwhahaha.

I still have over one thousand pages of summer reading left. Go me.

2002-07-09T14:56:00.000-04:00

How many tries does it take to hit a D&D coffee cup with a car? No less than ten.

I have to settle for the TRS Access skates damnit. I don't care...i am not good enough to care what kind of skates i get (but i did like the white ones). As long as they come before the trip to Milford I'll be happy.

2002-07-07T00:46:00.000-04:00

New experiences 101...a failure. Haha...

This has been the longest amount of time that I have been without a shower in hmmm...a year or so. The show last night was okay. Armor for Sleep and The June Spirit were good. I had to jump on/into crazy kids who got in my way. (Oh yes, they have bruises.) Got lost going home, I wish I had drove. Damn NJ laws. The night came to an end at the Morristown diner where I saw Greg and ate mozzarella sticks. Crashed at Matt's.

I love waking up with someone in bed next to you. It's so nice to roll over and kiss them softly on the cheek. I wish I could help Matt during his "face attacks." Did nothing for the rest of the after noon. After pizza we stopped by B&N and then 7-11 for a slurpie. A Beautiful Mind, good movie...it's along the same lines as fight club which is always a plus.

P.S. I can make a right turn while skating, bitch.

2002-07-03T01:08:00.000-04:00

Recent purchases include:
The stereo - Rewind and Record
The Ataris - ...Anywhere But Here (remixed)
Raspberry tart air-freshener

2002-07-03T00:39:00.000-04:00

My hair is slowly becoming decent. ::sigh:: I am tired of working. I want my detail skates. I want my digital camera. I want to win the PS2 on Ebay. Did i mention that i can sometimes be demanding?

2002-07-01T15:20:00.000-04:00

Last night Matt and I watched a boring movie and of course ended up falling asleep half way through. I woke up at 3:30, not in the mood to drive home so I decided to spend the night at Matt's house...big mistake. I couldn't sleep all night. I kept tossing and turning while my uterus knotted itself up. I woke up "leaking." Matt was so sweet to me while I was moaning and writhing in pain. He got me to the car and then back inside when I though I was going to lose it, he even asked his sister for Midol, and he sat on the basement couch with me while he froze. Matt is so thoughtful and caring, but I wish I didn’t have to bother him with my bug/cramps incidents. I love him. I am so glad that he was there with me. XOXO

2002-06-30T01:15:00.000-04:00

I just got the worst haircut ever for twenty-six fucking dollars.

2002-06-29T00:23:00.000-04:00

Tonight we sat on swings, watched stars, and reminisced about elementary school days. The swings were surrounded in darkness and I was a little scared from all of the horror stories my mother has feed me, but I knew he would have saved me from anything. I am so happy on these long and sometimes boring summer days to just be together, doing nothing in particular. Talking, laughing, wrestling, playing video games. Life is truly about the small pleasures.

2002-06-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

I never realized how depressing this blog has become. It didn't start out that way. I am going to make an effort to be a little happier from now on. Most of my problems are behind me now. Here is to a fresh start and a new beginning. --Love me.

2002-06-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

You are Tweety Bird!

Awww... you're so cute! You tend to act younger than your age, but that's alright. Your cuteness is probably what protects you from all the bad puddy tats who attack you.

Take the What Looney Tunes Character are You? Quiz

2002-06-25T12:02:00.000-04:00

I set up my Artwork link (above). I have one lone picture so far, but check it out anyway. Hopefully, with my soon to be aquired Nikon 885, i will have more stuff to share. Later kids.

2002-06-25T01:53:00.000-04:00

I have the tendency to cause too much drama. I don’t mean be such a spaz crying all of the time, but every now and then waves of sadness sweep through me uncontrollable. I am not an unhappy person. (I am truly blessed to have such a very special person whom I would give anything or do anything up for). It’s just that I have copious amounts anger pent up against myself, as strange as that may sound. My lack of parental encouragement through the most influential years of my life does help the situation. I vow to never in anyway resemble my parents in any way, shape, or form.

2002-06-24T00:26:00.000-04:00

Today I could finally prove just how rude she was...score!

I am impatiently awaiting the arrival of my new skates. I am horrible as of now, but this is not something I am going to give up on. Nope.

Matt graduated on Friday (I am very happy/ jealous of him). Each year that I go through after he is gone seems like an unfair torture, when in actuality it's the same amount of time everyone, including Matt, had to suffer through.

My body is slowly deteriorating. Now matter how much sleep I get I can only wearily trudge through the day with a plethora of aches and pains to boot.

2002-06-18T15:11:00.000-04:00

It's just two stupid pictures, but i can't do it Matt! It is completely against my morals; i would feel like i gave in. You know me...i hold grudges (hence the reason i am still not talking to my mom). I know you think it's childish, but i just can't do it. You know I would do anything for you, Matt...just not them.

2002-06-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

Minute Maid Orange slurpie = ehh..so-so

Mike's bio is up on the Avery page...just whoa.

Two exams down, five to go...ugh. I dont want to study.

2002-06-17T17:03:00.000-04:00

I don't think Matt will ever understand. I don't nesscessarily hate jackie (actually she's pretty nice), but i hate the fact that Matt wants to be with her at all. Espically go somewhere that he really hates with her when he just flat out said no to me last year. Does she have something special that I don't. Matt...this isn't your domino theory either. I have nothing against jackie like i do Nicole, Regis, and Ginny, but i hate the fact that you want to be with her. I guess I just have to accept the fact that she is better than me...everyone is. I know why you want to be around them...i get sick of myself too, but I am not sick of you. You are the only person i want to do anything with, go anywhere with, and be with forever. I just wish for a second that you could understand; that you could feel my pain, just so you know what's going on inside me. I love you and i don't want to hurt you, i but i know i am. I am pushing you farther away. I am so afraid that you'll leave me, I know you say you wont, but i am such an awful person how could you possibly want to have anything to do with me? It's not hard to love without loving yourself, it's hard to understand that you are loved. All my life my father has told me what a worthless person i am, i think he's right.

2002-06-16T21:02:00.000-04:00

So after a hard days work I drove all the way to 7-11 and back to Matt's to give him his slurpie and spend a peaceful 20 minutes with him before I was to commence my studying, but no. To my dissapointment Chrissy and Jackie were there. I felt like I was an uninvited guest, an outsider, and fi elt so left out. I am not mad at Matt, as I would have been if Nicole or someone of the like was there, but I honestly felt the most overwhelming feeling of depression...I cried the whole way home. There is definitly something wrong with me. I had to leave and get out of there because I don't want Matt to think that I am mad at him or acting like I would have if it was Nicole. I know he didn't invite them over, but I just wanted to kill myself. I don't want to repeat the middle school feeling and the failed attempts. I can't take it anymore. All i can do is cry.

2002-06-15T18:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Matt and I went to Hooters (yes Hooters) with Lauren and Mary Q. Lauren drove in the middle of the road the whole time and of course puffed down three cigarettes...barf. The food was okay, nothing special. I really don't like either of them too much...they are not my type of people, but whatever floats Matt's boat.

Work needs to get their act together and stop relying on me for all of there problems.

2002-06-14T00:01:00.000-04:00

I am:
-A tad obsessive compulsive
-Outgoing yet shy
-Obsessed with music
-Sometimes evil
-A procrastinator
-Lame

2002-06-13T23:16:00.000-04:00

I haven't talked to my mom since last Friday and I don't have any intention of communicating with her in the future. As Matt so cleverly put it, "I live in a house of horrors." Sometimes, ::cough::today::cough::, I feel that I have some serious issues. Although, when I really think about it all my actions and emotions can be justified. I am going to attempt the "reapting why" method. I am a little scared as to what I will find.

Today yearbooks were given to the seniors so of course I looked through Matt's. Almost every black and white picture is under developed, badly taken, and/or poorly printed. All I can do is sit back and laugh. Mr. Terry didn't want me so he deserves what he got. Funniest picture by far is of Amanda in her knee high socks with the caption, "Mischievous looks from the senior class gone wrong (just look at those socks!)" ...Oh man.

2002-06-11T23:07:00.000-04:00

I never get anything on my clothes shopping ventures. Oh well. I am just too insecure right now.

I did mange, however, to purchase some cd's:
-Ted Leo...good
-Something Corprate...ehh
-Atticus...dragging the lake...didn't get to it
-New found glory...snagged a rain check from Best Buy

I am in the mood to play video games like whoa.

2002-06-11T17:05:00.000-04:00

So many things to buy, so little money ::sigh::. Well, my digital camera is first on the list.

I am really interested in the whole Silva mind control technique. Mrs. Guzo gave me a book about it. I read three chapters while laying on my deck in the sun before.

I have so many old worn-out/too small for me shirts and skirts. I need to do something creative with them and not let them go to waste. Hmmm...I thick I am going to break out the sewing machine. Later I'm off to grab the new, new found glory cd (HAR HAR).

2002-06-10T23:22:00.000-04:00

Best feeling in the world = waking up at six and yelling "I'm not going to school today" and sleeping until twelve. Oh summer where art thou?

I spent my day at Matt's again (I bet his parents want to slit my throat). As soon as I get my skates I am going to skate everyday for at least a half an hour in hopes of losing some extra fat. Tomorrow I have to tan, I look unbearably pasty.

2002-06-09T22:39:00.000-04:00

Matt and I had one huge sleep over from Friday to Sunday. It included going to a show, getting lost for two hours, sleeping, and then sleeping again, video games, going to see Spiderman, teriyaki chicken, and risotto. I had so much fun. It's such a great feeling to be with him for that long; i am sad to be home now. =(

2002-06-08T13:50:00.000-04:00

What random object are you?!

Anyway...my mom deserves to be beaten with a porcupine.

2002-06-06T23:11:00.000-04:00

Matt's parents agreed! Now only if my mom will...

P.S. I can get my "license" six months from February 19th, how much does that rock?!

2002-06-06T18:41:00.000-04:00

I can't stand my family at all. My head is throbbing. Hopefully Matt and I will get to do something for prom, although it looks doubtful now. Today sucks.

2002-06-04T21:53:00.000-04:00

The Great Gasbty is anything but great. I am half way through the book and nothing has happened...did I mention that I HATE reading?

I hope that Matt isn't taking the WFS break up too hard. Honestly, he isn't losing that much. WFS was all Matt's doing, he was its backbone. I don't think that Matt could easily fit into another band. He is the type of person who needs to be the leader, make decisions, and write the songs (all of which are good qualities). I hope that he can get started again either with John or just completely from scratch. Until then Until Friday will have to do(har har).

Well as i sit here and suck up the remains of my coke slurpie that is all that comes to mind, goodnight.

2002-06-03T23:15:00.000-04:00

I love absolutely sucking at math and yet finding myself correcting my teacher most of the time. While I 'm on the subject it annoys me when teachers turn unsubjective courses like economics into "what I do is right so learn it" classes. High School will be the death of me. Eighteen days of hell left.

P.S. Mike G. joined Avery...hahahaha!

2002-06-02T23:11:00.000-04:00

My Mom is utterly ridiculous. I truly hate her most of the time. She can never just let me be and realize that I am only asking to do what other normal teenagers do at my age. She knows that I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke so why can't she just take that as enough and leave me alone.

For prom weekend Matt and I have decided to stay in New Hope. I heard that it is a really scenic place with tons of specialty shops, fairs, and flea markets. The hotel I hope that we stay at is a small six room place called the Wishing Well Guesthouse. I must bring my camera with me. Taking pictures will be so refreshing. If my Mom has a problem with these arrangements, too fucking bad I am going anyway.

2002-06-01T01:11:00.000-04:00

Late night ramble: I really like my blog's color theme.

2002-05-31T16:36:00.000-04:00

I have never been more happy in life to be in such physical pain. Yeah you guessed it, being stabbed repeated in the uterus was the highlight of my day. I am more than relieved. I feel strangely chaste once again. ::sigh::, all is well.

Today was another bullshit summer day of high school filled with 3 movies, flied trip packets (that I didn't even go on), and pointless gym class skipping.

I have come the to conclusion that the reason I become so hostile when Matt hangs out with certain girls is mainly related to the fact that my primary language of love is quality time. I feel like he just leaves me in the dust and what it really says to me is that they are more important that I am. And the fact that he doesn't call to tell that he's not coming over hurts the part of me that is words of affirmation. Oh well just a little insight into this hopefully dead for now topic.

2002-05-30T21:40:00.000-04:00

I am slowly going insane. I can't think about anything else except my dilemma. I need something to do and some one to talk to. Matt's only going away for half of a day but now is just not the time. The world has such perfect timing consider time doesn't exist. Fuck me.

2002-05-30T17:22:00.000-04:00

I want to write about what has been going on, but it's too hard to put into words what I am feeling this very moment. It's a feeling of sheer terror and utter disbelief. One minute I'll be fine, the next I'll want to just disappear. I just can fathom it yet, honestly I don't think I ever will. All of this on top of a recent let down, is spiraling my world into complete darkness. This whole ordeal just helps me to realize how much I love Matt, and how much he loves me. Nothing at all could ever make me stop loving him. It's some great thing that I can't explain, but I am so glad that he is supporting me. I really don't know what I would do without him. I feel like the world is playing an evil joke on me sometimes. So many things that I have encountered this week all remind me about my situation. I can't take many more "coincidences." What a wonderful way we are going to spend prom weekend, I am sorry for ruining it Matt.

P.S. I haven't had the heart to write here for awhile. Hopefully i will be getting back to it now.

2002-05-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

I have to start soon...please! ::cries::

I am creating a web page for myself with brinkstar. Hopefully it will be a lot nicer then fucking geocities. I also have to change the Miterline page to an Until Friday page. We should have another practice soon.

2002-05-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

I love the feeling of opening a new cd package. It's quite refreshing.

Sad news...the Windam arms hotel is booked =( We will find something better to do though.

Today I went to a "smaller than my closest" thrift store. It was nice, but didn't have much clothing. I want to visit Red White & Blue in paterson, but my mom has been telling me what a bad area it is. I just don't care, if i am going to get shot i would get shot wether or not i go to paterson.

2002-05-24T22:49:00.000-04:00

My hair cut officially sucks. I though I could get it to work, but there's no hope. I really dont want to spend another thirteen dollars to get it layered (which I asked for in the first place...grrr).

I slept over Matt's last night. We had tons of fun watching bandits, playing worms, and just being stupid. (I suck at cooking eggs, sorry Matt!). During the night I had the most horrifying dream. It consisted of certain persons whom I hate greatly and Matt. The person just wouldn't leave and I was going crazy until I beat the crap of them...oh man it felt so good.

2002-05-22T23:44:00.000-04:00

I would be quite upset if my blog was ever deleted.

I decided upon not going to school tomorrow. I have missed too many days this year, but I just don't care anymore. Matt and me should really figure out what we are doing for prom weekend. It's all about going to Windam Arms, being out of the way, and hopefully way cheaper than the beach. Thank God I don't need a dress...next year I am going to make my own. It's going to be hard, but hey I used to be a pro with a needle and thread. Speaking of sewing I have a few shirts I should cut up...

My raise is 18%...I can't wait to get some of the extra money.

2002-05-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

So my hair cut isn't that short, kill me. I asked for short with layers and I got just shoulder length. I think I can still make it somewhat spikey at least...ehh. As for the mall...well, I found this countryish shirt at AE, but of course they didn't have my size. I hauled my ass over to Livingston mall before they closed to no avail. I am going to try the dreaded Willow Brook mall on Thursday. Side note: people at hot topic are quite nice.

Yesterday we took my car to get an estimate and it's going to cost $542.19 to fix. I guess that's not bad for a car repair, but I am so freakin glad that I am not paying it. They better make it look as good as new...or else.

2002-05-21T17:05:00.000-04:00

Here is a sample of all things good and bad today:

Things I don't get/hate:
1.)Math
2.)People who pretend to be original by copying styles
3.)Hypocrites - enough said

Things I love:
1.)Parking in the senior parking lot - hey i am just lazy
2.)Jersey Mike's subs - so good
3.)Soy ice cream
4.)Until Friday - I really like that name

Things to do:
1.)Hair cut - short and spikey!
2.)Hit up all clearance racks at the mall

Well, I am off..

2002-05-20T23:16:00.000-04:00

This is killing me. I am so upset about this whole thing...I dont want to chase Matt away, but I know that I am. Why can't I just ignore the fact that he still liked her...why can't he just stop and let her go? If we can get through this one little thing I know everything will be fine from then on. I love Matt so much, and I don't want to hurt him at all. Doesn't he realize that he can't just make me laugh and have it go away? The real reason that this is suck a big deal is because Matt doesn't think it should be and I know it is. He can just say okay yeah sure and forget about. I want resolution. Please Matt, please. I am so sorry, please forgive me.

2002-05-20T21:29:00.000-04:00

This wonderful week started off with the most ridiculous accident ever. I am parked in the junior parking lot when I notice that car is coming up behind me, knowing that kids are crazy drivers I decided to wait to get out so my door wouldn't be ripped off. Instead, this idiot just drives straight into the back of my car. Every accident that my family has been involved in consists of being hit while parked.

2002-05-19T23:11:00.000-04:00

Song that i am currently sweating: Coheed and Cambria - Sweet.

2002-05-19T14:16:00.000-04:00

Another thing...I hate people who think they are geniuses because they know five big words and use them repeatedly.

2002-05-19T14:14:00.000-04:00

Hour lunch breaks are the biggest tease...i just wich i could stay home. Speaking of home Matt comes home today!!! YAY!

2002-05-18T12:52:00.000-04:00

Yesterday started off with me lying to my parents about going to birch hill with Angela. No one was able to come with me so I said fuck it, I am not going to miss this show. Being alone wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Heres the review from the board:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First time I drove down there and to my amazement I didn't get lost!!

I got there a little late which sucked because I only saw the last two songs of the armor for sleep set. But they were good.

The exit- the drummer was awesome. They have a small Reggie vibe which is cool, but I couldn't get into them.

Coheed and Cambria-They were great even though I hear that this one of their weaker preformances. I have a new found love for them. They didn't have as much screaming as i wanted though.

The youth ahead-i suffered through them in the front so I would have the spot for TBS. It sucked beyond belief, while some guy was blowing smoke in my face.

TBS-they were great, I love their new cd. The singer did go crazy and by the end he was gushing blood from his forehead. He is really nice every time i talk to him. Him and the peace keeps...that was just funny since i was in the front i could hear all their remarks also.

Overall i had fun...alone.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bough a coheed and armor for sleep shirt for myself and an AFS shirt for Matt...i wish he went with me, it would have been so more much fun! I was paranoid about driving back after 12, but if i got pulled over i figured i could say that i got lost, cry, and then everything would be okay. Crying out of a ticket is low, but it's better than paying it.

I saw Tre (nowhrefast) but she had no idea who i was. During coheed this kid kept edging closer to me and as he did i kept steeping away. By the end of their set we had made it halfway across the room.

Now I just wish I could shake this damned cold.

2002-05-16T22:02:00.000-04:00

I went shopping and as usual bought nothing. I made up my mind about shows (i am going with or without company). On Friday, Birch Hill with TBS, AFS, and Coheed and Cambria. On Saturday it's off to Cresskill to see HIPV, Madison, and Sense Fail.

Lately I have been on a salad kick. Realizing that most salad dressings in my house were poison, I am now in search of the perfect ceaser and blue cheese dressings. ::drool::

2002-05-16T17:39:00.000-04:00

This weekend is going to suck. Matt went on a trip with his family and i am stuck here with mine. There are so many shows that i wanted to go to, but not alone...

2002-05-16T00:36:00.000-04:00

I finally brought my book home. Heres the quote:

- "Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying? How is it you can keep mutating and still be the same deadly virus?"

It just hit me as something that i can relate to.

Today was good because a.) I didn't have to take my math quiz b.) I am getting a raise c.) I am getting a promotion which means a second raise, yay!

I am so hungry...

2002-05-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

I handed in my last term paper today so now I am officially giving up on school. I am to the point that I don't even want to get up in the morning. Oh summer, where are you?!

I bought the new Weezer and Get Up Kids. It's okay, but not as good as the original stuff.

I really want to start working on my scrap book. The thing that is holding me back is my lack of decent pictures...I am not in least bit photogenic and boy does it show.

2002-05-13T12:07:00.000-04:00

I woke up way too late. I feel like crap, absolute crap.

2002-05-12T20:21:00.000-04:00

My head is throbbing, and I am progressively getting worse. Worked sucked until Matt brought me a slurpie! He is the best.

Tomorrow = staying home from school, finishing my paper, and after that tons of Worms Armageddon...yay!

2002-05-12T11:25:00.000-04:00

It's rainy, my throat is killing me, i have to write my 5 page term paper, and i have work until butt o'clock. Today is going to suck.

2002-05-09T23:57:00.000-04:00

And i thought I was bad at playing the drums...poor Ricky. At least he tried. Tomorrow equals AP test, me moving drums in a half sedated state, and then watching Matt get pierced (I don't think he will though. Not now anyway). If words could only explain what i feel for him.

I saw my dream digital camera...Nikon Coolpix 885...Très HOT.

It's powerful and compact in one. It fits in the plam of my hand! I sweat it.

2002-05-08T22:44:00.000-04:00

I hate making people do things they don't want to...i really do. I wish that just for a second Matt could feel how i feel. I dont want to responsible for making him feel like an asshole. What am i supposed to do? ::sigh::

2002-05-08T15:24:00.000-04:00

Damnit. I left my Invisable Monster book at school. There was a quote that i really liked and wanted to post...oh well I'll do it tomorrow.

Today during math the home ec. kids were making popcorn and smell was oozing into the room. I have never craved popcorn so much.::drooling::

2002-05-07T22:12:00.000-04:00

Finally, the drama has drifted to an ended...for awhile at least.

My Monday plea on the board for a digital camera recomendation was successful...Dpreview/Stevesdigicams. I must "snag" one of them and get my new agressive skates (discount woohoo). I think that i am going to seriously injure myself skating, but hey at least I am going to try.

2002-05-06T23:47:00.000-04:00

I am so scared. Matt please don't hate me. I can't help it. Even after all of this, I still feel the same way. A part of me DOES NOT want to do what i know i must...

2002-05-06T15:58:00.000-04:00

i just want a copy of this for reference and plus it's damn funny. For a an ugly ass picture of the so called Nicole check out...Matt's page!

[5/5/2002 6:41:29 PM | Matt C.]
I am Matt. I like freshly cut pineapple. I like the pitter patter of rain on my window. I dont' like Nicole (shitface) Napoli She is a huge fucking btich-ass hoe* slut cunt cocksucking motherfucker. i hope she dies and that i never see her again. EVER. I play the guitar in my band Waiting For Service. That's all for now.

(These are not necesarily* the opions* of Matt or the page which there are hosted on. There* were posted on Matt's behalf without him knowing. The person who posted it obviously couldn't spell. ex.-btich)

(Actually they are my opinions...obviously, i am the one who can't spell ex. - opions* AND necesarily*. While I am at it i also suck at grammer. ex - There were posted*)

2002-05-05T23:38:00.000-04:00

I hate some people so damn much. I need to get over the fact that assholes inhabit the earth as well. So do hypocrites, people who just don't get it, and those who think they are God when clearly they are scum. The worset are the people who posse all of the previously listed qualities...so fuck them all.

2002-05-05T00:50:00.000-04:00

Today was mediocre:

I took the SAT's today for the first time and I have no concept of how well I did. I DO NOT want to take them again.

Went to Salvation Army/The Thrift Store and Friday's with Jen. Then we spent hours cutting paper fish for our French class...my fish are quite the mutants.

I finally called about my computer and took it apart. It was the dustiest thing I have ever seen. After sitting on the phone for two hours with an Indian guy who I couldn't understand in the least, I went to East Tokyo with Matt.

2002-05-03T22:42:00.000-04:00

"Uniqueness is impossible. Peroid...There's no such thing as "100% original" because there's always something like it somewhere."

I found this on a blog page today and I though it was quite relevant to my earlier post. I am in complete agreement with it too.

2002-05-03T21:42:00.000-04:00

Originality is a killer...who the hells cares as long as you are happy with what you are or what tattoos you have...
..That was my response to some stupid post about star tattoos. Seriously though, I am completely sick of everyone thinking that they are the one and only person who is wearing what they are wearing and doing what they are doing. If I like something than I am going to fucken to do it no matter who has done it before me and no matter what other people think. I am tired of trying to be original/not myself in order to seem like I am more "myself". I am being ME right now more than i ever have been before and i love it.

P.S. Eat me.

2002-05-02T23:30:00.000-04:00

I came to school really early to take a test today, but i was still running late and it was pouring rain so i did the only logical thing. I parked in one of the first spots of the senoir parking lot without a parking permit mind you and nothing happened (this is the second time I've done it too). Every one in my class gave me strange looks when I was leaving, but too bad i win. I could get used to parking that close...mwahhh.

2002-05-02T22:27:00.000-04:00

Saturday, May 18, 2002
With: Folly, With Resitance, Hidden In Plainview, Senses Fail
At: Cresskill American Legion Hall
Cost: $6
Time: 6:30pm

I think this show sounds more appealing than the one at Stingrays. I will be at this one.

I added a guestbook to this site (the link is near on the top of the page). Well if anyone's out there sign it damnit and stop hidding in the shadows!

2002-05-01T23:20:00.000-04:00

Up coming shows that I will attend at all costs:

-May 17 (Friday) Birch Hill Taking Back Sunday, Armor For Sleep...7pm, $10
-May 18 (Saturday) Stingrays Beautiful Mistake, Veronica...6pm, $8
-June 15 (Saturday) Hamilton St. BIGWIG!!!!!...6pm, $6

If you see me say hi...I really want to meet new people. I have come to the conclusion that most people's first impressions of me are a total dumb-ass and a spaz (although really i am neither). To top that off I am extremely quite. Sucks.

2002-04-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday and today were filled with tears and heartbreak. I feel so horrible for my grandmother, I can't even begin to think about how much losing her husband and love is hurting her without welling up with tears. If I was in the same situation I don't think I could have acted as bravely as she did.

On a lighter note, my cousin Peter is adorable he makes me what to someday have a child of my own (adopted or not is still the question). I would only have one child ever. EVER.

2002-04-28T19:31:00.000-04:00

am going cross-eyed from all the counting I did today...10,000+ I never counted that high before. It's turns out that I did get sunburn yesterday! Woohoo.

I hate the fact that kids are forced into thinking that they have to like their parents and be respectful towards them. What a bunch of bullshit. You decide whether or not you like someone new you meet. It should the same with parents and I fucking hate mine.

2002-04-27T21:56:00.000-04:00

My computer is bugging out and of course right before my term papers are do. I think the video card is damaged. I hope I am still under the warranty.

Today was better. I bought sharpie markers and the new AP issue. I went to cd world and for 8.98 got two cd's, a record, and stickers. Yes, I rock. I think shopping makes me feel better...

Things that piss me off today include:

-The people who work at cd world. Could the be any more stupid/weird.

-The fact that Matt and I have different work schedules.

-Laying in the sun for hours and not getting tan (or burnt)...It worked when I was ten, what the fuck?!

2002-04-27T15:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday really sucked. First my Mom calls me at Matt's house and tells me that my grandfather died, Matt went to work instead of the show so I spent an hour trying to get some one to go with me, I realized that I have no friends, and Matt still wont rip out the pages the in journal. Why does he want to hurt me?...I feel empty. If he really doesn't like her anymore then he should have no problem destroying the letters/pictures/everthing related to her and past girl friends, but he does have a problem with it. I don't want to be a bitch, but God this is killing me.

If I overdosed on pain killers would it hurt?

2002-04-26T09:17:00.000-04:00

I post at weird times so all my entries are mixed up...it bothers me.

I had the craziest dream last night. I hope it doesn't mean anything. All that I am going to say is that it involved: porn, an old guy, a young guy, a school drama class/theater, all of my friends, and chocolate candles. I'll let people make their own assumptions...mwahhh.

2002-04-25T23:30:00.000-04:00

Matt showed me a journal from a past girlfriend filled with cheesy quotes. I wanted to vomit all over it. He says that he doesn't care about her (that much) anymore and yet he still feels the need to save this stuff...I mean he could at least rip the pages out of it. All this shit is eating me up inside. I am not worth enough to him that he needs have these past memories around? I promised I wouldn't get "mad" at him if he showed me and I didn't, but I feel like quaffing bleach now.

2002-04-25T00:37:00.000-04:00

Matt just brought me the biggest chicken wrap ever...I must say it was delicious. I love him.

Okay slow improvements to this page = better than nothing. (It's not like anyone reads this.)

I am very anxious for the BigWig show...I hear they are amazing live, but we will see. Matt is calling out of work to go so I hope Eric doesn't bitch at him later.

I think that I'm going to try to make it to Warped Tour this year...at least for lagwagon and someother bands.

2002-04-24T00:04:00.000-04:00

I really have to make my own design for this site, but I have way to much work now. There are so many things that I have to keep putting off, which I really have to do for myself (ie. running, tanning, eating right). I have to work on my image no matter how shallow that seems...I don't want to look like crap anymore.

I need to take more pictures of Matt and me before he goes to college. I want to put them in my scrap book, which hopefully will be started once I have more time. Time. God damn the clock.

It's all about going to Bigwig on Friday, except I don't think Matt can come. I am so going to get hurt if I go...and i don't want to go without him. I really wish I could see The June Spirit or Taking Back Sunday...

2002-04-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, hmm...today was interesting. I realized that I have an uncanny amount of work (tests, 2 term papers) to do in very little time thanks to my slacker-ass. I went to the library with Matt after school and wrestled with the stupid copying machine until Matt just made the copies for me =). We went to Maggie Moo's after dinner and lost half of Matt's "bumper" while some kids stared and laughed...I hope Matt wasn't too embarrassed. Now I must read by play and write in essay in an hour and a half!!!

P.S. The hail on Friday was the biggest I've seen/heard in person...it was fun.

2002-04-20T19:40:00.000-04:00

I finally went to Salvation Army with Cait. I bought two shirts and another blue shirt in a thrift store across the street. I just found out that Clarissa explinas it all is on every mon. at 8:30 on channel 298...now mondays will no longer suckass. I am calling Matt now...That's all.

2002-04-20T01:02:00.000-04:00

I rocked my new 19.95 AE skirt today with my 9.99 black Gap shirt and my favorite studded belt of course. Adam's here and man, him and jen are semi-pathetic. I finally found the 100 Girls DVD at Cd World today...well Matt found it for me. I also bought Lanemeyer - If There's A Will, There's Still Nothing, which has turned out to be quite good.

Before we went to Cd World Matt fucking did it again. We were walking out of V.V. and he saw priska (a.k.a. queen bitch). Then he just leaves me to run over to her and they commenced holding hands...what the fuck! Did we not just have a conversation about this shit? If he starts hiding stuff from me after these talks/experiences I am going to be so disappointed in him.

2002-04-18T18:12:00.000-04:00

went back to CD World to pick up my midtown poster. Hopefully I will still get a call when the smaller ones are free. After that Matt got a hair cut...I told him not to get an inch and a half off, but no one listens to me...he still looks good as always. So I am waiting patiently until 7 when the rush hour traffic dies down to head over to the Rockaway mall. I want to use my AE giftcard and buy this cute green skirt I saw with buttons down the front. I think I am going to get converse clogs too...they would rock in the summer.

Tomorrow my cousin Adam is coming over. Hopefully it will be in time so he can be my guest at school (I need some entertainment). Okay I am going to wrap this up and look for a show to take him to...I don't want him turning all pop-punk on me now.

2002-04-15T22:06:00.000-04:00

I almost got Matt to go to Salvation Army with me today, but alas we went to staples. I am going to be upset if me and Matt can't share a room/bed in New Haven. I really hope that the college is nice since it is most likely where i am going too.

As of now I don't see what the big deal is about Lifetime...maybe I'll have another listen.

2002-04-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

Today was pretty good:

I slept in, which was most needed. I went to the mall and got a black polo shirt and a kaki skirt. I bought the skirt a tad too small so my goal is to lose enough weight to fit into it. I went to Cd World (twice) and bought five cd's since everything was on sale. I am missing school next Wensday to visit UNH with Matt. It should be fun times since we are sleeping over there on tuesday. Ugh, tuesday, NHS induction + grandparents = boring as hell.

2002-04-14T01:31:00.000-04:00

Hamilton St. Café was a nice place...well that is if I had owned it. It has potential to be a great venue but for now it's just okay. I hate smokers. I hate them. The one thing that most halls lack is ventilation for smoke and heat. Avery's drummer was horrible, I wanted a green All Ages T-shirt but nope no one ever has smalls, I didn't pay attention to Jettison, all the new Welcome Home Travis songs are too long and drawn out, and during Cents Less someone broke their nose and I almost fainted from the heat/smoke. All in all, I had a great time hanging out with Matt. Next show...I am driving.

2002-04-13T01:06:00.000-04:00

I am so incredibly over weight...well not really, but I feel fucking fat. Matt has done it again. I can't believe after all that we went through yesterday. He just doesn't get it! And I explained to him that what gets me even more upset is the fact that he knows what he's doing and he still does it. These are the times that I wish the earth was flat so I could wake right off.

2002-04-11T17:19:00.000-04:00

I cried so much today my eyes burn and i have a sinus headache. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2002-04-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

I can't wait to see Matt's dad and aunt speak during career day tomorrow. It's should be amusing. I signed up solely to get out of class, be with Matt, and get some free bagels.

I have to go to Barnes and Nobles tomorrow to get the Misanthrope for my report. Hopefully I can get a good magazine too. I finally can attend a show! This saturday at Hamilton (which i really wanted to check out) with Avery, Jettison, WHT, and others. It's not the best, but I need some fucking live music already.

2002-04-09T22:52:00.000-04:00

I arrived at school pretty late today, but i finally got to walk in with Matt. After "hell" i went to his house and we slept for three hours. A much needed rest. Then we went to Almafeia's (however you spell that). Service was so slow, but the cavatelli and broccoli was amazing and the vanilla soda was good too. That is my new kick, vanilla soda. Too bad that I can't find vanilla syrup for the life of me. Then we went to stop and shop and picked up some cookies n' cream.

I don't know why i get so worked up when Matt talks about/with any girls. No it's not just any girls, mainly the one's that he completely dumps me for. It really makes me angry that he doesn't know he's hurting me so much.

The nj scene is finally working...i never realized how much i was on the board until it was gone.

2002-04-08T21:51:00.000-04:00

The third day without the board ::sigh::

Cheers to cherry pull and peel twizzlers...hey they where on my dresser and I was hungry.

Play list for tonight:
The Get Up Kids - Something To Write Home About

2002-04-08T19:30:00.000-04:00

So today I drive into the school parking lot and notice that the administration took the liberty of putting bright yellow speed bumps in. When I left school both speed bumps were covered with black tire tracks. Amusing.

I am in direr need of going to a vintage/salvation army/second hand store. Why? Well because I want to. I need clothes, but whenever I go shopping I buy nothing. I don't know whats wrong with me...I think I will have more luck at a vintage store. A&F and AE have both gone even father down hill (they are only good for pants/skirts and ocasionally a clereance shirt that no one else wants.) Now where would i find a vintage store...

P.S. I hate the term mall-core. Who was the brain that thought that one up?

2002-04-07T19:39:00.000-04:00

I am itching to go to a show. Every time there was a show during vacation that i was interesting in going to, I either a.) had to or work or b.) i had previous plans. I need to meet new people and make more friends who are interested in the same thing as i am. Caitlin, Matt, and Jen are all great but thats only three people that i can hang out with (although i want Matt to go everywhere with me). I don't know what i am going to do once he goes to college...i am lost without him. At least he will be semi-close and he said that he would come home every weekend. I think everything is going to end up fine.

2002-04-07T17:24:00.000-04:00

I dont' want to go back to school. I dread it. The nj board isn't working now and I hate aol, i hate it. At least I have satellite tv to make up for it.

Wow, I have so much hate today. Hah!

2002-04-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

Day light savings time is killing me. I really need that extra hour of sleep/vacation. At least it means that school is closer to being over and some how I still have two term papers left. Once I finish them my "hardwork" in high school is over. I am off to work to roam around and act busy. Have fun.

2002-04-07T01:13:00.000-05:00

Ethan's surprise party was okay. We really scared him. When he walked in, Lisa turned the light on and we yelled "surprise" (the standard way) and Ethan jumped back grabbing Lisa as they both crashed onto the floor. That was definitely the hightlight of the night. Some really weird stalker kid was there with his dog and Ange's mom's ice cream cake was great as always. All in all a fun night. Matt is so great.

2002-04-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

I used to keep a journal when i was young but i just lost intereset in it. I figure that since blogspot is so eay to use and because I go online at least once a day, I will have no problem keeping this journal going. I don't think I am going to share the link with anyone as of now. Okay so heres a bit about me...

Name: Mary Katherine Rolandelli
B-day: 02-16-85 (a mere month and a half too late to get a "real" lisence)
Favorite color: Navy blue!
Music: A varity of bands in the punk/emo/hardcore genres. Right now I sweat Taking Back Sunday, Ben Kweller, The Impossibles, and Hot Rod Circuit, but there are sooo many more.

That's all I can think of now.